The Present (11.05.29)

Living In The Moment

I have a friend that I know online. He is one of the most beautiful people that I know. He's this bright presence in my life that cheers me up on the worst days without even trying. His energy is warm and beautiful. The catch is... he's rarely around. Sometimes when I feel particularly down, I wish he'd come around and just talk. We don't even have to talk about anything important, but it always cheers me up. Sometimes he's gone for six months at a time. Sometimes it's a year. Once it was 18 months.

Having interacted with this individual for nearly ten years, talking to him once or twice a year, I've come to learn something. I've come to appreciate the moment. I have become grateful for the time I have with him, rather than mourn the time without, and this has been something I've tried to transfer into each day of my life.

So often, we spend a majority of our time thinking about what could be, should be, would be, will be, can be, and... isn't. The truth is, if it isn't happening right now, it isn't happening at all. With the exception of intelligent preparation - having supplies on hand for an emergency, for example, very little time should be devoted toward things that are not happening in this moment.

From personal experience, I have spent an extraordinary amount of time worrying about, thinking about, things that are not currently happening. As a person who is constantly battling an anxiety disorder, I spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about all the things that could go wrong and possibly how to avoid them.

This Soul in my life has given me a beautiful chance to change that. By being this amazing person but only being around once or twice a year, I have learned to cherish each moment I do have talking with him. I appreciate the Present, rather than worry about when the next time he'll be around. For the first few years, I spent my time talking with him worrying about when he'd be back. This made for an uncomfortable, even painful experience. And then I realized something. No matter how much I want this individual to be a permanent presence in my life, he never will be. It is not his nature, and I have no sway in this matter, and nor should I. He is who he is, willowy wisp on the breeze, coming in with one tide and out on another. I have learned to release this desire for control, this want to know and control when and where. When he shows up, it's become a surprising and happy gift, (often at times when I'm at my lowest and he doesn't really realize how poignant his timing is) and I enjoy the hour or so I get to talk with him, and I can let it go when he leaves. I can smile at the end of the day, even though I know every second, every moment, that I may not see him again for another year. I'm alright with this. I understand that that's the way it works, and I focus on what IS happening, not what I want in the future.

I find that in my life, I've often spent most of my time worrying about things in the future, rather than enjoying the things currently happening in the present. My goal is to enjoy each moment as it happens, rather than focus on what's happening next. Sometimes the Present is hard. It's difficult, full of hard decisions we have to make, even when we know they're for the better. And while, on occasion, the last place we want to be is in the Present, sometimes there's something for us there. A Lesson, a Thought, an Understanding we wouldn't ordinarily come to, and if we simply try to push through it, rather than sit back and accept it, this might be missed entirely.

The future will happen soon enough, it's the future. This moment, This... Present, will only happen once, and it's happening right now. What are you doing with it?